BITCH

My mom.
UGHHHHHHHHHH.
Well here is the long story short, my mom texted Austin some things that pissed him off when we broke up which is PART of the reason why he didnt contact me.
I am pissed.
He texted me today.
I was happy.
He probably will be going to a Braves game with me.
IF my mom is not going.
:] I hope we go alone.
I want him to come.
It'll be a BIRTHDAY gift.
I miss him.
I love him.
Ughh, i STRONGLY dislike my mother right now.
This is not the FIRST time she has done this. That made me upset.
What kind of mother does that?
I cannot wait until I get out of here.

"How do I fix what is not broken"

That is your status.
What does that mean?
I am blank.
I don't know what to think of that.
You put that as your status 20 hours ago.
What does it mean?
I have a question, how do i fix what IS broken? How do you find something that is LOST?
Well, that something is my heart.
I want you back.

I try talking to guys. I am willing to go out with someone.
But they will never break this wall. Or make me feel the way you made me feel.
I will compare, but there will be no point of anything.
But oh well.
I am sick of being so lonely.
I want more than God.
I want you, but that is out of the equation.

I found out that matthew has been talking to other girls too.
I don't know why that suprises me.
If he talks to one girl while having a gf, why not more?
And I dont understand why I have such an amazing guy in front of me, yet, I dont want him.

I WANT YOU.
UGH. This frustrates me.
Why am i still hurting after 4 FREAKIN MONTHS!

Prom night

Its like a ritual, you like your date, and I know the ritual.
You are gonna ask her out.
That doesnt nother me that much.
But I love you. No matter what.


I had a break down last night about you..
I dont know the particular reason. I miss you soooo much.
I have been in the state of depression for a long time.
I can hide it pretty well.
I try to hide it with smiling and "happiness".
I deceive many ppl. So that is good.

It feels like bc you aren't here, my life is going into a complete waste.
The only person I have is God.
I am thankful for that.

The one thing that made me know you care is that you still look at my facebook.
:] That made me smile.
But that smile turned into tears.
I love you too much, I need to stop.
But love never stops. It is always consistent.

Anyways, I gotta go...

I

I could have been going to Prom with you last night.
I miss you.
I think about you everyday.
I want you back.
I want your family back.
I want what we had again.
I dont want to hurt anymore.
Why do I still think about you regularly?

Prom night

I could be going with you.
:[ I love you.
I miss you.
You still are a sharp knife stabbing my heart.
And quite frankly, it hurts. a lot.
But you know what!? I am going to have fun,
I wrote poems about you.
I'll type them up.


2 Questions:
Why did you leave me?
and Why is this excruciating pain still ripping through my chest?

A few simple words..

I miss you.
So freakin much.
You are coming into town, and I am going out..
:'[
God, I love you.

Heart

My heart aches for you.
I am dying slowly inside.
I miss you.
I want you.
I love you.
It's crazy how I still love you.
My love for you is evolving.
Love evolves in order for it to survive.
:'[ I cried for you today...