A few simple words..

I miss you.
So freakin much.
You are coming into town, and I am going out..
:'[
God, I love you.

Heart

My heart aches for you.
I am dying slowly inside.
I miss you.
I want you.
I love you.
It's crazy how I still love you.
My love for you is evolving.
Love evolves in order for it to survive.
:'[ I cried for you today...

Days go by.

Not a day goes by without me thinking of you.
Life is hell without you.
I miss you so much.
It has been so long.
I bet i don't pass your mind... AT ALL.
:'(

Once Upon A Dream

I have come to a conclusion.
It all was a dream.
Everything was a dream. Well, could I say nightmare? I say that it is a nightmare because it affected me so badly that I remember so every little detail about the dream, and it haunts me all the time.
Nightmares do that.
According to Yahoo Answers; a nightmare means: An event or experience that is intensely distressing.
According to Merriam-Dictionary; a nightmare means: something (as an experience, situation, or object) having the monstrous character of a nightmare or producing a feeling of anxiety or terror

It's just a dream that I had.
It all went so quickly, I had to gather my thoughts about everything so quickly.
I hate that I had to wake up from this terrible occurance.
If I had stayed asleep through it all, it might have had a good happily ever after.
But, Life has so go on.
You can't just sleep forever, can you?
Well, if you committed suicide (not what I am thinking, don't worry), your whole body would be asleep, not just your mind.

I don't get what the deal is with brains.
I don't understand the function that they serve.
It makes me sick.
It makes me sad.
It makes me depressed.
It makes me think.
It makes memories come back so vividly.

I had a 3-day weekend this weekend, and it was the FIRST time I have had to think about everything. That is why I have come to this conclusion.
I dont know whether or not this thinking thing is good for me.
It makes me sadder, it makes me even more depressed.
It digs a deeper hole for me to get out of.
People THINK that I am a strong person.
I am NOT. I AM NOT A STRONG PERSON.
I can hide it well.
I say I am great, fantastic, awesome bc I want you to think those things.
I like to deceive you people.
Y'all are so gullible. It actually gets ridiculous.
I cannot fathom how much y'all can be tricked and deceived.
I am not quite sure if I like it.

I noticed that I don't want to do anything.
I noticed that I don't want to communicate with ppl.
I noticed that I don't want to be with my friends.
I noticed that immaturity is getting more and more irritating.
I am noticing I am not who I am.


It is/was all a dream.
End of discussion.

I know what it is..

I want someone to love me the way you did.
That is why it hurts, that is why I am trying to find someone..

Ha

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax,

we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married,

I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you,

you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

Hmmm

Yesterday was unusual.
I was happy. Strange. I miss you, but I am loving life WITHOUT YOU.
Dont come back to visit me.
oh and the CRAZY thing I realized is that you said you missed me and wanted to be friends, but yet, you DONT have the time of day to text a simple word like HEY.
Wow. Shows your friendship.
That is ok.
I have befriended EVERYONE that you HATED.
:D Brilliant. I know.

Literal Roller Coaster

I love how I feel that I am handling something so well, and I am over everything, well for the most part, and then I see something or hear something and go tumbling back to the beginning.
It's a wonderful feeling. Hence the SARCASM.
I cannot BELIEVE you would do this.
Seriously?
A girl with brown hair, in 10th grade, AND in BAND!?
Are you FREAKIN kidding me? Sooo many curse words went through me.
I broke down and cried.
I had just gotten done with a mournful banquet and here you are saying you had a GREAT night with this chick.
Wow. Says a lot.
I might as well say, "I had a great time making out with your best friend"
Yeah, that is what I feel like.
I feel like CRAP!
My heart is empty, I am on the verge of tears again.
Ohhhh AND to top it off...
I HAD A FREAKIN DREAM ABOUT YOU!
It was a good dream at the moment until reality woke me up.
I hate those.
They make me want to go crazy.
Thanks for replaying all of this again.
It's like I am your own VOODOO doll.
Wonderful.

OH.MY.GOD.

My heart just dropped fifty million feet.
:[
WHAT THE F***
How can this happen to me, omg. I hate this. He found someone else.

On the verge...

All of the sudden, I feel empty again...
I don't like this..
I still miss you, wanna be with you, want you back here, love me, wish you'd talk to me...
But most of all, I wish you CARED.
Cared about me and about how we USED to be. :[
I miss you.
I love you...
This reminds me of you.
Everytime I think of you, I feel like I get a "jist" of what death feels like..


We pass in the hallway as if strangers to each other
your eyes are cold and your presence is dead.
Am i suppose to miss you?
Am i suppose to care?
The emotions i have once shared with you seemed like a fable from ancient times.

I feel nothing for you
Nothing at all.

Memories of you seem like a movie on a projector
The pictures seem life-less and the pain feels empty.
I can't remember your smell, i can't remember your voice.
Aren't i suppose to miss you?
Aren't i suppose to care?
You seem like a myth i made up for entertainment.

I feel nothing for you
Nothing at all.

My body heaves with empty tears. I want to hate you
I want need you. But the words are so lack less and the desire so easily ignored.
Why can't i miss you?
Why can't i care?
If only i can remember the sound of your heart the feeling of your skin. But i can't and i won't

Am i a fool to want to feel something? Am i a fool to be begging to feel something, anything! I want to be able to hurt when i see you, i want to be able to feel some kind of true connection to you. But I'm numb.

I feel nothing for you.
Nothing at all.

Upside

:] I had a horrible day, mainly bc I failed a test, but the concert was awesome.
My solo wasn't awesome, but it was ok. Happy with it.
I went out to DQ afterwards and talked to my friend.
She relates to me in every way, we both have amazing guys but we just can't have them at the moment.
That is ok.
Everything will work out in the end.


Ohhh, I need to find a saint name, difficult decision...
Grr.. :/
God Bless you. I love you in every way.